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Posts tagged “Tony Parker and Eva Longoria Split Up

Even When He Loses, He Wins!

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On the Mark, get Sanchez, GO!

Last season, Mark Sanchez headed into the offseason looked at as a playoff winner, leading the Jets to consecutive AFC Title Games.  This offseason, everyone said he sucked!!  As a result the Jets brought in Tim Tebow to back Sanchez up, causing the stupidest, most unnecessary controversy in recent history.  Sanchez’s season has been well documented last year…it wasn’t great.  The Jets went 8-8, missed the playoffs and had numerous distractions in the locker room, namely Santonio Holmes.  Sanchez never pointed fingers, took the blame as captain and leader of the team and went off into the offseason determined to succeed this upcoming year, despite the Jets flirting with Peyton Manning and trading for Tebow.  Well ladies and gentleman, as champions usually do, Mark Sanchez has landed on his feet and is showing the world that he isn’t going anywhere!

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Always a guy for One Up(ton)-manship!

You might be thinking to yourself, what the hell is NYBobby talking about?  The season hasn’t started yet.  However, in the game of life, there is no offseason.  Even though his arm is sometimes questionable, Mark’s ability to pick up the ladies has always been consistent.  After dating Jamie-Lynn Sigler, he upgraded to Kate Upton.  At that point, it would appear almost impossible to do better than Upton, the SI Swimsuit cover model in 2012.  However, Sanchez has managed to pull a rabbit out of his hat and is now dating the baddest chick out there, Eva Longoria.  The couple has been seen shopping together and appear to be taking it slow, at least in the public.  However, people like Mark Sanchez and Eva Longoria don’t hang out just because they like each other’s company.  NFL Quarterbacks smash out hot models…it’s the way of the world.  In fact, it might be the only similarity that Sanchez has to Tom Brady, but if that is so, it’s a damn good thing to have in common.

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The question is, can he throw the Longoria ball?

I expect great things from Sanchez this season.  Since he already has about the hottest girl out there, he can fully concentrate on football and not worry about what he might be missing out on.  Jets fans, I want you to answer the following question:  When the game is on the line, who do you want holding the ball?  The guy seeing the hottest girl in the universe, or a virgin?  Not even questionable!  For those of us who have been fortunate to date a smoking hot chick like Eva Longoria, we know how much pressure it entails to be at your top performance each and every day.  If you take your mind off the task at hand, interceptions and pick 6’s are bound to happen.  Sanchez is gaining all kinds of life experience that will make him the great QB he has the potential to become.

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Tony took his eye off the ball, so to speak.

Proof of the power of Eva Longoria is obvious by looking at the life of Tony Parker.  Parker has won three Championships in his career, and in a normal Eva Longoria season, he would have made it four.  Unfortunately for Tony, they split up last year.  Parker’s life became like the dude in the Direct TV commercial who sells his hair to a wig shop in Vegas.  After Parker split up from Eva, he lost confidence.  After losing confidence, his game wasn’t quite as good as he was used to.  After his game struggled, he faced off against the Thunder in the Western Conference Finals.  After making the Western Conference Finals,  Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook sent his ass home from the playoffs.  After being sent home, he ended up partying in New York City with Chris Brown.  In the process of partying with Chris Brown, he got jumped by Drake and Drake’s posse.  As Parker got jumped, he took a bottle to the face.  After the bottle hit his face, Parker suffered a scratched retina. Do you see the lesson learned here?  If you date/marry Eva Longoria, you win titles.  If you break up with her, you get your ass beat up by Drake!  Mark Sanchez, pay close attention to the events that happened to Parker and do your best to keep this girl by your side.  All Jets fans are depending on it!

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