Don’t Forget to Study
Anyone who has ever been to an NFL game knows that there is always at least one or two jerks that try to ruin the game for everyone else. The hope is that these boisterous jerks will get thrown out of the stadium as the annoyed fans around them applaud their departure. The NFL has just initiated a rule that will make life even worse for these morons that get themselves thrown out of a game. Starting this season, any person who is thrown out of an NFL game will have to take a 4-hour online course if they ever hope to return to their respective stadium. I promise that I am not kidding. This might be the single funniest rule I have ever heard of in all of sports.
This ridiculous course was designed by psychotherapist Dr. Ari Novick, who will now become on of the most hated men among football fans. Statistics show that approximately 7,000 fans were ejected from football stadiums last season. That means that the Dr. Novick will have 7,000 different angry football fans gunning for him in this upcoming season. The most preposterous thing about this online course is that not only will these fans have to sit through a grueling 4 hours of lectures and questions mainly focusing on alcohol abuse, anger management and crude behavior, but they will have to pay for it as well. I’m not talking about paying for it emotionally either, I’m talking cash money people.
Is the NFL serious? The prices for this course will range anywhere from $50-$100 based on which stadium the ejection occurs in. Does the NFL and this Dr. Novick really think that anyone in their right mind will pay money to take a class online after being ejected from a game that they just went to see? Dr. No’dick’ seems to think so and he also assumes that this will make the atmosphere at a football game more zen-like. While this rule has already been tried in New York since 2010, the success rate is very low. Even when someone sits through the 4 hours they still have to take a test at the end and will have to retake the course if they score less than 70%.
“For decades, some fans have believed that when they put on the jersey of their favorite player on their favorite team and they enter a stadium, they can behave any way they want,” Novick said. “This program was designed to say to people, ‘We want you to have fun when you come to a game, but you have to understand that your actions can affect people and there are rules to abide by.”
Novick has said that now when a fan gets ejected from a game he will send them a letter and ask them to apologize to the team and complete the online course. If they refuse to do this and they are caught showing up to the stadium they were ejected from then they can be arrested for trespassing. Every team will monitor their ejected fans differently but there is a rumor saying that facial recognition technology can be making an appearance in the near future. Is anyone else laughing their ass off right now?
Is it me or does it seem like Dr. Novick was that asshole in school that reminded the teacher that they forget to assign homework for that night? I don’t know if Ari Novick has ever been to an Oakland Raiders game before but their fans are without question the meanest and most bad ass fans the NFL has to offer. Raiders fans are so rowdy that Oakland had to initiate a lot of their own rules and regulations that other stadiums don’t enforce, like a no tolerance smoking rule. Ray DiNunzio, the NFL’s director of strategic security, even went as far as saying that the Raiders eject upwards of 300 fans a game for sparking up. Good luck getting those guys to take your dumb ass course.
All I can say at this point is that I hope Dr. Novick has a good life insurance plan because there are going to be a lot of irate NFL fans looking for his head. For anyone who would like to take this course here is the link, http://www.fanconductclass.com. Good Luck!