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Arrested Development


Bad boys, bad boys whatcha gonna do whatcha gonna do?
When they come for you?Bad boys bad boys whatcha gonna do?
Whatcha gonna do whatcha gonna do when they come for you?

Athletes getting in trouble with the law is not something foreign.  Just ask the fans of the Cincinnati Bengals or Detroit Lions, whose teams were featured in the Adam Sandler movie, The Longest Yard.  It is impossible to find a team, especially in the NFL in which a player hasn’t gotten arrested at least once in the past three years.  Make that three months.  How about three days?!?!  This past weekend, the athletes of the world have been on an unbelievable streak that rivals Cal Ripkin Jr.


Captain Kidd piloting a sinking ship?

For starters, we had the brilliant, newly acquired PG of the New York Knicks.  The Knicks brought in veteran PG Jason Kidd to be a mentor for Jeremy Lin.  Well, that plan went really well! Saturday night, on the same day that Lin signed a poison pill contract to escape the pressure of NY to flee to Houston, Jason Kidd decided to get behind the wheel of a car and drive it straight into a Cable Vision pole, knocking out the cable service of hundreds of paying customers on Long Island.  I’m not quite sure that was the example the Knicks thought Kidd would provide when they offered him a three year deal, but could you really be surprised?  I mean, Kidd’s history of domestic violence doesn’t quite lead to him being the model citizen that Knicks owner James Dolan thought he was getting.  Kidd was arrested for DUI, treated in a hospital and then taken to a Hamptons police station.  The best part of this story is that Dolan is also the owner of Cable Vision, which is poetic justice.  I hope he personally made the phone calls to the customers to say, “sorry about the lack of service, our new starting point guard had a few too many drinks.” Welcome back to NY Jason!


His father spelled “Dumber Evil” wrong!

Elvis Dumervil of the Denver Bronco’s also had a little bit of trouble on the road Saturday.  In an incident that started with what police are calling “road rage”, Dumervil and his buddy Andy Auguste ran out of Dumervil’s car, ran up to the white Impala ahead of them, and lifted their shirts to show the Impala’s driver that they were holding a gun.  He was arrested on aggravated assault with a firearm charges and bond was set at $7,500.  The Bronco’s had a huge offseason bringing in Peyton Manning and I’m sure the last thing they needed was their best pass rusher and former NFL sack leader to miss time due to suspension.  At least head coach John Fox knows that if Peyton Mannind struggles at all, he can always call on Dumervil to run the shotgun formation.  Sadly, I bet Dumervil is at least as good as that guy they had playing QB last season.


DUI – Don’t Underestimate Idiosacy.

As if these stories weren’t enough, a story came out yesterday that Seahawk Running Back Marshawn Lynch was arrested on a DUI that also occurred Saturday.  On the bright side, this arrest really is an example of Lynch acting like a model citizen when you look at his past.  In June of 2008, Lynch plead guilty to a traffic violation.  In the incident, he drove off after hitting a female pedestrian with his car near the downtown bar district in Buffalo.  Then 9 months later, Lynch pleaded guilty again, this time to a gun charge.  Lynch was sitting in a parked car when police found a semiautomatic in a bag in his trunk.  Shit, at least he didn’t shoot himself in the leg!  So although getting a DUI is never something to be proud of, the fact that Lynch didn’t hit anyone this time or have a gun in the car illustrates how much he has grown up.


Momma’s boy. Sort of like Lizzie Borden was daddy’s little girl.

Last but not least is our buddy Dez Bryant.  The Cowboys Wide Receiver, who dropped in the 2011 draft due to off the field questions, was arrested yesterday was an incident on Saturday.  He allegedly assaulted his mom, slapping her in the face with his baseball hat.  When police showed up, Bryant’s mom had a torn t-shirt and a ripped bra.  Bryant’s mom called 911 and said, “I can’t keep letting him do me like this. I’m tired. I’m going to put an end to it today. I’m going to put an end to it today. I’m tired.”  I’m going to take those comments to mean that this wasn’t the first time Bryant put his hands on the woman who brought him into the world.  I am wracking my brain to try to make a joke about this incident, but the thought of a grown ass man hitting his mom is really hard to fathom.  Stay classy Dez Bryant, way to make Michael Irvin look like a class act.

Can’t wait to see which one our favorite players wind up on the police blotter next week!


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